Diary Archives 2002:

November 18, 2002
"Even a small pebble will send ripples across the whole pond." - Unknown

October 16, 2002
We switched to Green Mountain Energy this month. I think more and more every day about getting solar and wind-powered appliances for my home. I am also thinking about quitting my job and starting as a wedding consultant. I want something I can do from home and still raise my children. I want to own my own little store, but David will not let me convert the front of the house into a shop. :(  I will eventually think of something that will make money and make me happy. I cannot afford to quit my job. We never should have bought this house. When it ended up costing us more than we thought, we should have backed out. We can afford it now, but I am afraid that as long as we are living here, I may never be able to have babies. I still think of Oregon every day.
I should have checked my horoscope today before I left the house. I went with David to get our marriage license and my car overheated. We looked at it and there was NO water in the radiator. I can't figure out how that happened. We put more in and there does not seem to be a leak. Then when I went to the grocery store today, I got a nail in my tire and it was flat when I came out with my arms full of groceries. Good thing I parked under a really bright street light. Lots of guys came by and offered to help. I handled it on my own. A police officer came over and offered to help. He was completely amazed that I, a woman, was able to handle it by myself. (In heels and a skirt, no less!!!) He took my spare across the street to the gas station and put more air in it (for which I was thankful) and I put it on. He still could not believe I was capable of it and watched me the whole time and then checked to see if I had it tight enough. He couldn't tighten it anymore, so I guess it was. I still can't believe how dumbfounded he was by it. Hehe. I rock.

October 09, 2002
"Sometimes you have to stand for what you believe in, even when you are standing alone."
-Unknown

"Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You can't get there by bus, only by hard work and risk and by not quite knowing what you're doing. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself."
-Alan Alda

"I live my life in celebration that I've got a life to live."
- John Denver

"Cowardice asks the question: is it safe?
Expediency asks the question: is it politic?
Vanity asks the question: is it popular?
But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular-but one must take it because it's right. "
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"People who have given up their dreams will discourage yours."
-Unknown

October 07, 2002
Last night, I read something that changed my thoughts about the way we live and how we do justice in this country. I can cope with the idea of airplanes bombing and killing thousands of innocent Americans, but this, I cannot cope with. I just read up about the West Memphis Three. It is so hard for me to cope with the idea of innocent people being put in jail and put to death. And it is all because some small town people got hyped up on ideas of Satanism. Knowing that these young men are totally innocent fills me with such terror, anger and dread that I cannot even think straight. I feel powerless, utterly helpless to assist these people. I plan on writing to them. It happened so long ago. I wonder if they even get mail anymore. I can't believe so much time has gone by and they are still in prison. Damien is still on death row. It's awful. It's wrong. How can there be so much evidence proving a person innocent and yet they still get a verdict of guilty? It just doesn't make sense. This is what happens when people fear others' religions.

September 28, 2002
"I wept because I had no shoes. Until I saw a man who had no feet."
-Unknown

"The only reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself."
-Unknown

"You may have tangible wealth untold; Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be -- I had a mother who read to me."
-Strickland Gillilan

"A finger pointing at the moon is not the moon."
-Buddha

"There is no one right way to do ANYTHING."
-Daniel Quinn

September 08, 2002
Well, we did it. We got the house. I was extremely excited before we moved in, but now I'm not so sure how I feel about it. I have extremely mixed feelings. In fact, that may be an understatement. I would not say that it is haunted, but it does feel very strange and that is odd seeing as I used to live here. I did not enjoy my time here very much. Since the house did not belong to me when I lived here a few years ago (it belonged to my mother's boyfriend) it is very hard for me to realize that it is mine now. It feels so strange. I really don't like it. I look at all the houses on other streets when we go driving and I see houses that are so cozy and inviting. Then when I come home to ours, I don't feel like I belong here. I feel like I am just visiting. I am thinking about doing some major changes to the house to make it feel different. I think that if it looks different, then I might like it better. There are plenty of things that I could to to make it better. We are broke now, what with the wedding and buying the house. I don't know how we will afford the cost of repairs. The deck and atrium are rotted out and need to be replaced. That will probably cost $1000 easily. I think it will be alright. We will get by somehow. We always have David's tax returns to look forward to. I think that I may also be able to get all of my taxes back this year in exemptions and returns. That will also be helpful. Either way, I hope that I will be able to keep up the website. It may take a little while for me to get back to some people. I have had lots of orders from the website and that is good. I also did a good job making soap, so the first batch is up and ready for sale.

August 17, 2002
It has taken so long to get the website back and running again. My service provider had to change servers and there was a whole lot of confusion. Well, it's back up now and business should be running smoothly again. I finished my first two batches of soap. The first batch turned out horribly because I had no idea what I was doing. I have learned from my mistakes and the second batch is beautiful! Also, we bought a house! I am so excited. I used to live in the house with my mother and her boyfriend. He recently lost the home to foreclosure and the bank has sold it to us. We got it for $135,000 (which is too much in my opinion) but it is worth it. We will not actually be buying it, since we are moving to Oregon as soon as we can. The payments are lower than our current rent. I would much rather live in a huge, beautiful house with gardens and bee hives than in this grungy one-room apartment across the street from an airport any day. Apartments in Dallas are so expensive. This is a much better deal. I have plans for the new house. I don't talk about them much since David says I am silly. We need to rebuild the deck since it is rotted. I want to fix the clubhouse for Cambria. There is also an area on the side of the house where I might be able to keep bees. I plan on using them for their honey and their wax. Beeswax burns clean and much longer than paraffin. It does not release toxins into the air the way paraffin candles do and they smell of sweet honey! I was thinking about keeping angora rabbits to spin their shed fur into yarn. When I told David, he told me to put the thought out of my mind. He thinks I should not take on so many projects at once. I told him that I just want to be able to make a living once I have children. I like creating things with my hands. He does not really understand. All he likes is working on computers. It must be nice to be content doing only one thing your whole life. The bees, though, are a definite. I will ask around and see if there are any farmers who will be willing to let me put my hives on their land for free to pollinate their crops. Most are happy to do so. I would like to make a business of selling handmade candles and sweet raw honey. I will have plenty of room for gardens for my herbs and vegetables. I will set up a composter for my gardens to get rid of most of our waste ecologically. I will not have to buy herbs any longer. I also have plans for a goldfish pond in the yard. I just could not live without my goldfish. There will be a small pond in the house as well. The floors are wood and beautiful! The house sits on three levels and has four bedrooms (five if you count the large basement), two and one-half baths, and a pretty atrium. The front is stone with two large yards. The house is shaded by hundreds of years old pecan trees that yield a heavy harvest of nuts each year. Having the house will help to pull my business along. I need to find good work that I can do from home with children. I love quilts and am working on one now for our bed. I think that quilting might be a good business. If not, I always have my bridal gown business to look forward to.

June 24, 2002
Well, organic life is going great so far! I never realized how nice it would be. I put the distiller David gave me for my birthday to use every day. My water tastes better, I feel cleaner, and I love how I am living! The last thing I need is organic laundry detergent. I can't seem to find any. I think I may be able to find some at the local health food store. They claim to sell only organic food. I will see if we can afford to shop there.
I've been thinking a lot about having children. I want a baby. We need to move into a house first, however, even if we are just renting.  I want to quit my job since I work around cigarette smoke and it isn't good for me or the baby. I am hoping to find some type of work from home so that I can get through my pregnancy comfortably and have children and work at the same time. I can't wait until we get to Oregon. I have so many plans for when we get there. I think that life will be much easier, even though David and I have it pretty easy now for a couple our age. I just need to keep the cash flow coming so that we can afford to buy some nice things, mainly a BED! I don't like sleeping on just a mattress. Having a child won't cost us much as I will not be using things like cribs, strollers, swings, pacifiers, playpens, baby food, disposable diapers, bottles, formula and the like. Not even doctors or hospitals. Nothing but mother for my baby. No surrogates or mother substitutes. My breast and my body are all that my child needs. I have seen some very nice organic baby slings and cribs that strap around your torso so you can do housework while the baby sleeps. I think that this is a great idea. No plastic toys, as they are quite toxic. Only unfinished, untreated wooden toys and toys from nature as well as organic cloth toys and clothing. Baby bath tubs are a silly idea. My baby can be bathed in the tub with me or in the kitchen sink. I have found websites which sell organic wool yarn (for baby blankets since we will be living up north) and organic cloth so that I can make toys, clothing, diapers, and blankets. This makes me feel bad, however, since I know our families will want to constantly buy toys and things for our little ones. They will be extremely offended to hear that I will only allow natural organic things to touch my children. The more I think about it, however, the more I am offended by the idea that they would want to push those awful things on my child. I was speaking with a woman at work about having children. She is disgusted with my idea to use only organic products for my children. "You can't protect them from everything," she says. I am rather disgusted with her idea that since I can't protect them from everything, I shouldn't even cut down on what I can. The world isn't perfect. I understand that. But I cannot cope with the idea of giving my children anything less but the VERY best.
I am not completely sure about what to do for a business when we get to Oregon. Of course I will have my small organic farm, but we are not completely sure of what to do on the side. Grandma wants a bed and breakfast which I think is a wonderful idea. She also wants an art gallery. I thought about opening up a book store. It would be really amazing with a kids' play area and a reading area with a fish pond and some trees. The more I think about it, however, the more I realize that it would not be a good place to be when I have children. I want them to run free around the house and outside, not cooped up in a building. Not even a bookstore.

May 14, 2002
I decided a while ago that I would change my life completely. I want to live organically. I never realized I was being subjected to so many chemicals: in my clothes, my food, my water, my blankets, my laundry detergent, and my dishes. Even the candles I love to burn are toxic. I am changing everything completely. Of course, it will be difficult to switch over all at once, but I can do it gradually. Whenever I need something new, I get organic. We buy only organic food now, unless the store does not sell it. I am buying the mineral salt deodorant and David even bought me a water distiller for my birthday. I never knew there was so much sewage in our drinking water until I distilled a gallon. The money we spent on it was well worth it. I need to change my life for my children as well. I want my body to be as free from chemicals as it can be before I have any babies. I am letting my family know that we are going organic. It feels so great knowing that I am doing this for myself and for my children. I feel like a better person.
I think I want to have a little farm when we move to Oregon. It would be completely organic and I could produce for our family as well as for sale to others. I think I want to keep free range chickens for their eggs, long-haired goats for their milk and for their wool. I can make goat-milk soap from them and beautiful soft wool yarn. Besides, we wouldn't need to buy a lawn mower! I can grow herbs of all types to sell on my storefront and to have at home for teas and medicine. I can also grow fruits and vegetables to eat. We could have some apple trees and peach trees and maybe some pear trees. A couple of horses would be nice as well. Perhaps we could keep rabbits for their fur. I don't mean kill them, I mean brush off their fur when they shed it and spin it into angora yarn. Angora from rabbits is so soft and silky! I am learning how to make organic soaps, shampoo and lotions. I also want to keep bees - at least five hives of them - for organic honey, bee pollen, and for the beeswax that they make. Beeswax smells like honey when burned and it would make some lovely candles for our home and for sale.

May 7, 2002
A cynical day.
Not much time to write lately. I had to give a speech in my Anthropology class about my religion. I already had a grade of 105% in the class and the teacher said I didn't have to do a presentation or take the final because of my grade, but she really wanted to hear it. Stupid me, I wanted to make her happy. I thought it would be a good idea (jeez, what was I thinking!) if I could put the word out about our religion so that fewer people would think we are evil. Knowledge is power, right? Well, I found myself standing all alone in front of a class of twenty Southern Baptists, trying to explain the pentagram and wishing I were a bug so I could just crawl away. My teacher whispered "Don't worry, I won't let them lynch you." GREAT! I feel so much better! Anyway, I survived through the whole thing. Everyone else had a plethora of questions after their speeches. I asked if anyone had any questions after my half-hour speech and you could actually hear the wind whistling through the air conditioning vent. One hand was raised only to ask if I was a part of a coven. No, I wasn't and I explained why. At least the one woman was excited to hear about it. My teacher apologized afterward for making me do it and thanked me profusely. I don't know if I'll ever do that again.

My worst trouble right now is the fact that I have to work on my birthday. Not that I mind working on a special day. It's just that my birthday is always the absolute worst day of the year. The world will end on my birthday, you just wait and see. One year, I had some customer make me cry at work. I was his waitress and I had been working hard to do well for him all night since he was my only customer and my only chance to make any money. He drank too much and got mean and told me I wasn't getting my $200 tip. It was just before the party that my co-workers were throwing for me. I hid in the bathroom and cried for three hours. The next year, my Dad forgot my birthday - TWICE! How do you forget your daughter's birthday twice in the same year? I went to see him on my birthday (which also happened to be mother's day) and there were all these presents on the table. I was sure he hadn't forgotten again that year. He had also forgotten the year before and I was kind of expecting it. When I saw the presents, I was happy because I thought he had remembered. We got in the car and went to Joan's mother's house and she opened all the gifts for mother's day. I wasn't upset about the gifts. I don't want presents. I was depressed because my whole family had forgotten my birthday. I didn't say anything. I just went home without mentioning what day it was. My dad realized and called me the next day and told me how sorry he was. He told me to come out that week and they would have a party for me. I showed up on the day he told me to come  and they had forgotten again. He ran out while I was coming in and came back an hour later with a printer for my computer. Ah, well. Then, last year, my Mom bought me a book and CD that I was supposed to go get signed at a bookstore on my birthday. I took them to the bookstore before it opened so I wouldn't have to wait in line. When I got there, they told me I couldn't get it signed without a receipt, even though the books were purchased there. I drove all the way back home, got the receipt and came back. Not only did they not check to see if I had a receipt this time, but the line was full and was three hours long and they were only going to be there for one more hour. Needless to say, I didn't get anything signed. I had a birthday party that night for myself and my best friend whose birthday was the same week as mine. I made all the food and put up all the decorations and put on some nice clothes and then sat there the entire evening all by myself and watched TV. No one ever showed up. I just want to hide this year and do nothing.

April 22, 2002
“Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

March 16, 2002
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." - Winston Churchill

"Contemplation of nature brings us closer to eternity." - R. Hughes

"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives." - Mark Twain

"Although the eye is close to the cheek, it cannot see the cheek." - Samoan Proverb

"Dying is easy. Sometimes living is a hardship." - Yiddish Proverb

"The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest men of past centuries." - Descartes (French Philosopher)

"He loved books and when he found one open on the table he would lie down on it, turn over the edges of the leaves with his paw, and after awhile, fall asleep, for all the world as if he had been reading a fashionably fantastic novel." - Theophile Gautier (From "The Lover of Cats")

March 8, 2002
I really don't want to go to work today. It is a bad day. I went to speech class and gave my speech this morning. I did well, but I think I will get a bad grade because I went 2 1/2 minutes over my time limit. Then I went to anthropology and got ready to take my test, but the instructor gave us a long take-home exam instead. It is going to take me forever to finish it. Then I went to lunch and found I had lost my twenty dollars I put in my pocket that morning. This day just isn't going well. I think I'm going to fall asleep in class as I write this, I'm so tired. I can't wait to go home.

March 5, 2002
Two extremes today. After class, I went to the underground under Dallas. There was a stairwell and above it was a ledge that ran all the way down the length of the stairs above the staircase. You could scoot along the ledge over the stairs all the way to the end where there was a little window and lots of room to sit above the stairwell against the ceiling. It wasn't high enough to be dangerous, just high enough that no one can see you. I hid in this spot after hours and read a book. I saw many people come by, but the best two were a woman and a man. A woman came by, certain that she was alone, and cried horribly all the way down the hall to the escalators. Then a man came by about ten minutes later, also certain that he was alone in the underground, singing rather loudly to himself. Both were dressed in suits and were going home from the corporate offices at the bank. Two very different extremes. I enjoyed going down there. It is so quiet after it has closed down and everyone is gone. I don't think I was supposed to be down there, but no one really saw me to tell me to leave.

February 14, 2002
I am still rather annoyed at a man that hit my car yesterday. I was driving home from school and I had just exited the highway. I was waiting at a red light with lots of cars in front of me and behind me because it was the time of day when traffic was pretty bad. The light changed and I was waiting for the car in front of me to begin moving forward when I felt a sharp bump. I looked in my rear-view mirror and there was a brand new Lexus SUV behind me that had run into me. I couldn't see who was driving it because they were reading a piece of paper which they had held up between themselves and traffic. I looked, astonished, in my mirror and after a few seconds, the person put the paper down just enough to see me over it and then put it back up and kept on reading and talking on his cell phone. I was pretty mad, but I was holding up traffic so I went ahead. At the next light, I stopped and shot him an "EAT ME" expression in my rear-view mirror. He hadn't hit me hard and it didn't leave a scratch on either of our cars, but I was furious. As he pulled up behind me a second time, he looked over his paper again, waved at me with his three fingers that were not holding the paper, and then just went on talking and reading like nothing had happened. If traffic had not been so bad, I would have gotten out and given him a stern talking-to.
I hate rich people.

February 8, 2002
The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs want to smell everyone's rear and cats want everyone to smell THEIR rear.

February 6, 2002
The last two days have been so amazing. We rarely get snow in Texas and it snowed heavily all day yesterday. Today everything was covered in a thick blanket of white. I have NEVER seen so much snow except in pictures and on television. I went to the cemetery for lunch and followed all of the animal tracks, seeing which way they went and what the animals had been doing. There were deer and cows and birds. I sang a song as I drove to my next class and thought about Artie, my pet rat who died a few years ago. I thought about how much I miss her and the different games we used to play and her expressions. She used to hate swimming. Her favorite things were carrots. I thought about her, smiling, as I came into class and I saw on the board, my instructor had written a wonderful quote:

"The souls of animals never die."
-Rene Philombe

February 4, 2002
I know I shouldn't complain, but I hate dealing with stupid people. I wonder sometimes how these people get hired for the jobs they get. It snowed heavily all last night and heavily all day today. In Texas, we do not know how to deal with ice on the roads so when it freezes, all schools usually shut down. Everything was covered so I thought I would call the school and find out for sure. I called the front office and asked the man if classes would be cancelled that day. He said he didn't know yet and to just watch the news and find out. That was at about noon. I was confused as to why he didn't know. Were there people walking in and out of the door or not? He could have just looked out the window to see if there were any cars. David got mad about it and so I called back at around three. I asked again and the same man said he didn't know and he didn't know who made those decisions and to just watch the news. I was furious by now. Shouldn't the person working in the front office KNOW if there is school or not that day? How stupid is that. I wish I could just fire stupid people at random. There is a place for people like that to work. It's called McDonald's.

January 31, 2002
I had to take Baldric (David's cat) to the vet yesterday. It was quite an experience. Let's just say that there are four armless vets walking around Dallas right now. When I took him, he was perfectly calm. He just sat in the carrier and watched the cars go by and didn't make a sound. When I went to pick him up, however, the woman took forever in the back room getting him. She ran out with the cage and put it on the counter and said "DON'T open this until you get home!" What I saw inside the carrier can only be described as a hissing, spitting, yowling Tasmanian Devil. I looked at the woman and said "you don't have to tell me twice!" He growled nonstop all the way home and growled louder when I took him in the house. It was hilarious, but I really felt bad. I made a little bed for him in the bathroom with a litter box and some food and water and let him out and shut the door. A couple of minutes later he was mewing to be let out, so I did and he was very happy to see Horus, Purdy and I. I wish David could have been home to see it!
That morning, I had to give a speech in my first class. I was so nervous. I told the class that I was a Pagan and waited for the worst. Afterward, no one said anything to me about it and I was grateful for that.

January 29, 2002
I had to turn in my first assignment for typography class today. I really lucked out. I spent hours on my homework thinking that I had done it perfectly. When I got to class, I thought I had done it wrong because everyone else's looked different. As it turns out, I did it right and the instructor was very impressed with my work. He said it was amazing how well I did for the first time. He gave me a grade and I got to go home early. It was nice and such a relief.

January 28, 2002
David and I rented "Princess Mononoke" last night. It was very good. It seemed very pagan in ideas and the animation was magnificent. I can't think of any reason why it might not be acceptable for children except that there is some violence. It does have very good moral lessons, however and focuses on preserving the "forest spirit." I was amazed at how this forest spirit was depicted a a creature with a body somewhat like a deer, antlers like a deer and the face of a man (much like the Pagan God). I could not quite place the origin of the feet except that they seemed a cross between rhinoceros feet and bird feet. The story was lovely and illustrated the human capacity for love and understanding and the ability to understand and fight hatred.
I am a little annoyed right now. I called a store in the phone book and asked them if they had some supplies I needed. The woman checked and said yes, she had all the supplies I was asking for. I hung up and got the address from the yellow pages - right by the phone number. Somehow, that number was for a different store somewhere far away. I went to the one in my town and they didn't have a single thing I asked for. When I got annoyed and told the gentleman working at the cash register what the woman had told me, he told me there was no woman who worked there. I put two and two together and ended up spending nearly two hours driving out of my way for nothing. ARRRGH!

January 25, 2002
I went to the cemetery today for lunch, as I usually do. I thought about the gravestones themselves this time and took paper and a black crayon for rubbings. Some of them were people so poor that tall they could afford was a cheap, hand-poured cement stone. They could not write well and some of the letters such as the L's and the R's were backwards and the Ms had been made with an upside-down W. Some were made by people who could not read at all and they had no writing on them. One had only a little ceramic vase pressed into the cement for flowers which had long ago been broken. Another had only a frame and a thick piece of glass which must have housed a photograph. The stone was knocked flat and the glass broken and the photo long ago stolen. I looked at the huge stones bought for the rich and I wonder why people pay for such large stones. Is it so they will be remembered? It is strange that they think that when their graves are really the least interesting in the graveyard. It is much more amazing to read the histories in the old, small, misspelled gravestones. There really is no point in having a large family plot, because in death, we are all equal; all the same. I would rather have the small eaten stone that sits back against the wood near the wind chimes and the little stream.
There were huge cow tracks through the cemetery. It had rained the day before and they were full of water. It was very sunny and warm today. I went and enjoyed a cup of hot chocolate. Why is it that we can thin the herds when there are too many deer or too many birds or too many elk. We say it is for their own good, yet there are far too many humans and we do nothing to thin out our population. Other religions do not believe in the law of the land. They want a world without death. What is the sense of not dying when there can be no new births?

January 23, 2002
I went to the cemetery today for lunch. It is winter and the trees were bare, but it was very warm and humid. The sky was overcast and it was rainy, but it was very beautiful. I ate my cheese and two muffins and drank my apple juice while I listened to the crows cawing and the breeze tinkle the wind chimes in the woods. It was very quiet and peaceful there and only two cars drove by. I finished eating early and walked around the cemetery and read many of the tombstones. It broke my heart to see one family, a mother and her three children, all of whom had died within the first month of their lives. There was something very bizarre that I noticed while I was there. On one side of the cemetery there was a stone which had recently been knocked flat. I thought it a shame and went to look at it. I immediately noticed that something had defecated on the stone, right in the center of it. I looked at it a moment because it appeared to be owl pellets at first glance. It was black and full of fur and hair and tiny bones. There were dung beetles all over it. On closer inspection, I could see that it was not owl pellets at all. Right beside it on the stone, about five inches away was the defecation of what looked to be another animal. It was smaller and black and full of very large reddish-brown oblong seeds a little larger than a dime. I didn't think much of it, except that I had never seen those type of seeds before. They were very large and not chewed so I assumed that they had been eaten inside a fruit by a large bird. Later on, on the other side of the cemetery as I was walking home, I noticed another gravestone that had been knocked flat. This one, too had both of the defecations on it about five inches from each other and right in the center. It seems so strange. I wonder how they got there and why they were right in the center of the stones right next to each other.
My art teacher's father died two days ago. It amazes me how she can just go on teaching without taking any time off. She did not seem devastated at all. I know that Pagans try not to dwell on the dead or feel too much sorrow, but this woman is Catholic. She did not seem to mourn at all, only showed a great respect for her father. She told us that he died at 4:45 pm on the twentieth in his rocking chair. He had been in intensive care and in a lot of pain. "His hear just stopped," she said. Then she showed us a video about Ishi, the last Yahi Indian. It was interesting.

January 22, 2002
Our apartment complex was supposed to turn off our water today to fix the boilers but it rained so we have to wake up early again tomorrow and take our showers before they attempt to turn the water off again. I went to typography class today downtown. I hate going to class in the middle of downtown Dallas so late at night, but if I must then I suppose I must. I had some very strange dreams when I took my nap today. I am excited because Scottie will be coming to Texas to visit soon. I can't wait to see him!

January 21, 2002
College has started again and it's all I can do to keep from burning the place down to cinders. The instructors are incompetent and discussions in class seem to get so loud that I can't even hear well enough to take notes. Friday was amusing, however. My anthropology instructor became so irate with some women in the back she started screaming. It was like she was talking to five-year-olds. She had told them twice politely to shut their traps and when they didn't she went back to the back, screamed at them and actually physically kicked them out of class. It was fairly amusing. It annoys me to no end that adults cannot act as such, especially in such a professional environment. They were the same girls that sat right behind me and gossiped non-stop in my last integrated sciences class. Nice to see the problem finally get nipped in the bud.
David and I talk about having children. We are planning on moving to Oregon in two years to start a family and finally begin to settle down. Life is hard in Texas. The weather is the worst anywhere. The winters are wet and never cold enough to properly snow, just miserable. Summer is humid and in the 109+ degrees. Air conditioners fail and there just isn't any escape from the heat and the sun. Even the plants boil until they die here. I think everyday about what it will be like to have kids and live somewhere safe and healthy. My grandmother has two oceanfront houses in the woods. They sit on a cliff overlooking the beautiful sea. I can't wait to go. I am worried about David, however. His mother will give him a hard time about leaving his daughter behind. Her mother does a less than adequate job of caring for her, but we will not be able to take her to Oregon when we go if we have custody of her. I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place....
David took me on a date last night to see "Le Pact de Loup" (Brotherhood of the Wolf). The movie was fantastic, though it was in French and subtitled. It didn't take away from the story at all. It was interesting to see the mix of sixteenth-century France, Native Americans, and nature. The cinematography was different and amazing. The scary parts were really made terrifying by the use of movie cameras and flash photography.